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Especially when you’re doing your best and asking tough questions like: ‘What can I do differently? (In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few nerds reading this want to figure out how to contact you). It’s really difficult to feel like you’re doing the right thing and not get any results.

Yet, when I email these guys, I either get no response or I get one of those responses that are obviously just them trying to be polite…

and then they go back to complaining that girls don’t message them. And how does a girl keep this from bursting her self esteem every single time it happens?

I’m no super model, but I’m decent looking and I always fit, personality-wise, what the guy says he wants in his profile. Dear Patti, You’ve pretty much summed up the dating process: The people I like don’t like me. Our entire single lives are spent rejecting people who like us, and chasing people who don’t.

It’s frustrating that a guy who can’t otherwise get a girlfriend doesn’t even want to talk to me online. It can be, suffice to say, exhausting and emotionally draining. You sound like you value an underappreciated portion of the population: nerds.

My self esteem keeps taking a fantastic header over and over again and it’s starting to get frustrating.

While I was blaming the guys, I’m starting to wonder what’s wrong with me.Here’s the scenario: I’m attracted to the kind of guy who’s… The kind who’d prefer to stay home on Friday night than be out “living it up”.But of course these types are also usually virgins, or guys who’ve not had any real relationships. These guys are always posting in dating forums and on their own journals about how they can’t meet a girl, and they’ve never (or rarely) had a girlfriend, because girls don’t like nerds, and they don’t initiate the first email, and they don’t respond to their emails, blah blah blah.Don’t take that too harshly: we ALL have a disconnect between our private vision of ourselves and others’ perception of us. They can state all day long about how they’re looking for someone to watch Battlestar Galactica and play Xbox with them, but, like most guys, they’re powerless in the face of a Maxim model.And, as I think this through, I would guess that this is going to be your biggest uphill climb.Guys who’ve been around the block, like yours truly, eventually, HOPEFULLY, come to the conclusion that it’s not all about initial attraction.

376 Comments

  1. Especially when you’re doing your best and asking tough questions like: ‘What can I do differently? (In fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if a few nerds reading this want to figure out how to contact you). It’s really difficult to feel like you’re doing the right thing and not get any results.

  2. Like dieting and exercising without losing weight, it makes you say, ‘What’s the point?

  3. ’Without talking to you or evaluating your online dating profile, it’s impossible for me to tell you specifically what you’re doing wrong.

  4. What I can say definitively is that there is some sort of disconnect between how you see yourself and how these guys see you.

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